Never Too Late

to learn what should have been taught/learned in childhood. That is where the foundation of our beliefs start. Childhood is where we are taught and/or learn how to start dealing (or not dealing) with hurts (physical & emotional) scrapes and bruises, heartbreak and dashed hopes. We should be taught, when we mess up there will be natural consequences, but also forgiveness and ways to move forward. We should be taught that life is hard and bad things will happen to everyone as well as good things will happen to everyone. We should learn that bad things can just happen and not everything is our fault and sometimes bad things are done to us. Ideally, these things would be taught and learned in a loving and caring environment. An environment with a safety net so to speak. Where we can learn to fail and that when (not if) we fail, it does not mean WE are a failure.

Sadly, many people never get this teaching. Some of us were taught that every bad thing that happens to us is our fault in some way, shape, or form, and that we should be ashamed of ourselves. We get a skewed view of life and ourselves. Especially when this wrong teaching comes at a very young age and from a parent, a person that is supposed to love us the most. In some cases, they are mean on purpose, but in other cases, they just don’t know any better themselves. When this happens (as in my case), and you get older, those things are all you know, so you pick up where your mother left off and tell yourself how bad you are. Sadly, my second husband was just a male version of my mother and made sure I knew how horrible and dumb I was.

Childhood training is extremely vital because, how well (or not well) we are taught to cope with difficulties, hurts, disappointments, challenges, and obstacles (expected or out of the blue), and what (if anything) we are taught about God, will become the basis for the type of adult we become and how we view and deal with life.

I say it starts in childhood because everything we learn builds on each other. There are vast levels of hurts and pains so we must learn in steps, ways to cope, so we can, as adults keep living forward through the tough parts of life. If we are not taught when we are young that life is hard and everyone will go through horrible things, then when they happen, we are devastated and stop living and just exist. That is where I have been for way too long, just existing.

To a four-year-old, being called a name or being pushed down by a friend, can seem like the end of the world and because their “world” is so very small, it is a valid feeling. Wise and loving parents, however, will know it is not the end of the world and will take that opportunity to teach them how to handle the situation. Not belittle them and ask them what they did wrong to deserve what they got.

To a teenager, breaking up with their first crush may be a devastating blow, yet again, wise and loving parents will guide them through the situation in positive ways.

It is important to go through these things because life gets harder and troubles go beyond skinned knees and high school breakups. There will always be the small things, such as misplacing items, locking keys in a car or house, hot water going out at bath time, someone cutting you off in traffic, or even fender benders, and the list keeps going. With a good strong foundation, these things are just minor irritations that can be viewed as such. Without the proper skills and tools, these things can get blown way out of proportion and can actually lead to people shooting each other.

Then there are the deep, unimaginable, out of the blue, this should never happen, knock you to your knees and rip your guts out, things. The doctor saying, you’ve miscarried, you will never be able to have children, you have cancer, your family member has cancer, or the police knocking on your door saying, your loved one was in an accident and didn’t make it, or your loved one just robbed a store, or killed someone. There are community hurts, such as the very well-respected pastor, teacher, or coach that gets arrested for doing horrible things to minors. Kidnappings, murders, shootings, drugs, the list is endless.

These are the deep nasties that we are never truly prepared for, but there is a difference between those with a good healthy foundation and those without. These things knock everyone they happen to down, no matter their coping skills. The difference is those with the skills and a personal relationship with the Lord, will eventually get back up, lift their heads, and start living forward again. Those without the skills, will become so devastated they give up. Some literally take their own lives, others figuratively stop living, just dragging through each day, waiting for nighttime so they can go to sleep.

This is also when and where people drag God into the picture, even if they have not been taught one single thing about Him. They will ask things such as, “Why did God let this happen”? or worse why God did this thing on purpose. The latter is where I have found myself several times. I know I did not get a good, healthy foundation on how to cope with life, or how to love and trust God. Subsequently I am left to now try and teach myself and learn the lessons I should have been taught at the very beginning. Life is hard. Period. Not because I am a bad person. Not just because I’ve made mistakes, which I have made more than my fair share. I need to go beyond head knowledge that we will have trouble in this world. Period. Not because I am a bad person, but because there is sin in this world.

I have heard that most people view God by how their earthly father is. I’m not convinced. I think it’s closer to people view God by how their dominant parent is. In my case my mother. That is why I have an unhealthy fear of God, and why I am fed up enough now to do something about it.

We are told in John 16: 33, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world”. And Matthew 5: 45 explains that God causes the sun to rise and shine on evil people and good people, and He sends rain to those who do right and those who do wrong, or in other words, on the just and the unjust, the righteous and the unrighteous.

The truth is, bad things happen to all people, sometimes their fault, other times not. I wish I would have learned this as a child or even a young adult. Because I did not know this, I could not teach my own kids healthy ways to deal with life. Just as I went into the world on my own without the proper spiritual, mental, and emotional training and coping skills, so my kids did too.

I know this has been pretty much a downer post, so I do not want to leave it on the down note. There is good news too. One is, as the title states, it is never too late to learn. Nor is it ever too late to teach. More good news is just as bad things happen, there are good things that happen as well. There are many blessings that each of us receive, and they range from the small, to the unbelievable. We find misplaced items, we get that up front parking on a rainy day, the crazy driver misses us, and so on. We need to be grateful for those things. Then come the huge things, things we did not see coming. I have a friend that was told she would never have a child, yet her daughter is growing up smart, healthy, talented, and beautiful. I, as a single parent raised two kids working a part time job, not relying on a man or the government. I can say that was only God.

If you are still with me, I want to share a silliness song just to lighten the mood. It has nothing to do with the actual post, but it’s fun and lighthearted. The only thing I would change is when it says, “Nah” after Beavis and that other guy, I say, that Beavis and that other guy are the ones that need God the most. LOL